This may fit if
- You watch more than you want to, and stopping hasn't stuck.
- Late nights on your phone are costing you sleep, time or focus at work.
- Your partner found out, or you are hiding it and hate the secrecy.
- You reach for porn when you are stressed, bored or can't switch off.
- You want a practical plan, not a sermon.
How do I know if my porn use is a problem?
Not every man who watches porn has a problem, and I am not here to tell you what your values should be. The useful question is simpler: does it feel out of control to you, is it causing you or someone else distress, or is it affecting your life and relationships?
Men often describe the same signs. You set limits and break them. You lose hours you meant to spend on sleep, work or people. You feel flat or ashamed afterward, and then go back to it. Stress and pressure tend to feed the pattern, and for some men it becomes a way to block out feelings that are hard to face.
What does support with porn use involve?
I am a registered hypnotherapist, not a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT) and not a licensed mental health professional. What I offer is practical support, one-on-one, for men across Bellingham and Washington.
- Mapping your habit loop: the time, place, mood and device that usually come before you start.
- Changing the setup: simple changes to your phone, computer and evening routine that put space between the urge and the screen.
- Hypnotherapy and guided relaxation to practice riding out an urge and to calm the stress that often drives it.
- Accountability you choose: a plan, a check-in rhythm and, if you want, a person you trust.
- Easing shame and rebuilding honesty, including how to talk with a partner when you are ready.
What happens in the first few sessions?
- A private first callYou get in touch by phone, email or the form, with as little detail as you like. We talk about whether my sessions fit what you need.
- An honest look at the patternWe go through when, where and why it tends to happen, without judgment, so the plan fits your real life.
- A plan you can keepWe pick two or three changes to try this week and practice a short relaxation routine for urges.
- Adjusting as you goEach session we look at what worked and what didn't. A slip is something to learn from, not a reason to give up.
When is a CSAT, a doctor or peer support the better step?
If porn is one part of a wider pattern of sexual behavior, see my page on compulsive sexual behavior. If your use involves illegal content, if it comes with heavy drinking or drug use, or if you feel very low for weeks at a time, a certified sex addiction therapist, another licensed mental health professional or your doctor is the right place to start. I will tell you honestly if I think that is the better fit.
Peer support helps many men. Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) and Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) are Twelve Step fellowships with no fees or dues, and they define sobriety differently, so read how each describes itself. You can attend a fellowship and work with me at the same time.
Ian Whitelaw Counseling for Men is not an emergency service. If you are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988, or call 911.
What if my partner found out?
Discovery can shake a relationship, and it often brings up hurt, anger and questions on both sides. I work with men one-on-one and do not offer couples sessions, but we can work on how to answer honestly, how to listen without getting defensive, and what rebuilding trust can look like. My page on communication has practical tools for those talks.
How private are online sessions?
Sessions are by secure video (Zoom) or by phone, for men who are located in Washington State at the time of each session. You can join from a room with a closed door, wear headphones and keep it to yourself. Ask me how privacy works in my sessions when we first speak.
You can read more about me and see my fees and insurance page before you reach out.
Common questions
Is porn addiction real?
People use different words for it, and I do not put a label on you. What I pay attention to is whether your porn use feels out of control to you and how it affects your life and the people close to you. If you want a formal assessment, a licensed mental health professional can do that.
Do I have to quit completely?
That is your decision, not mine. Some men want to stop altogether, others want to cut back or stop hiding it. SAA and SA each have their own definition of sobriety. In my sessions we start from the goal you set, see how it goes in real life, and adjust if it needs to change.
Can hypnotherapy help with urges?
Many men find hypnotherapy and guided relaxation useful for calming stress and riding out an urge without acting on it. I cannot promise it will stop urges, and you stay aware and in control the whole time. It works best alongside practical changes to your routine and honest check-ins.
Will anyone know I'm getting help?
Sessions are one-on-one, online or by phone, so there is no waiting room. You can reach out without giving details in your first message. Ask me how privacy works and what I keep on file when we first speak, so you know exactly what to expect.
References
Published by Ian Whitelaw Counseling for Men, the practice of Ian Whitelaw, Washington State Registered Hypnotherapist (HP61341961). Last updated October 27, 2026. This page is general information, not medical or mental health advice, a diagnosis or a substitute for care.