This may fit if
- Someone close to you has died and you are holding it together for everyone else.
- You have lost a marriage, a job, your health or a way of life.
- You feel numb, angry or tired more than sad.
- You keep busy so you don't have to think about it.
- Friends have stopped asking, but the loss still sits with you.
What does grief look like in men?
Grief is a reaction to a major loss, of someone or something. It is not only about death. The end of a relationship, losing a job or a home, or a long illness can all bring grief.
Everyone grieves in their own way, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. Common reactions include shock and numbness, deep sadness, tiredness, guilt and anger. Many people have trouble sleeping or find it hard to get work done.
In many men, grief comes out sideways. It can look like a short temper, long hours at work, more drinking, or pulling away from people. If anger is the part you notice most, my page on anger and frustration may help too.
How can sessions help?
I am a registered hypnotherapist, not a licensed mental health professional. What I offer is steady, private time with another man to say what you have not said elsewhere. I work one-on-one with adult men in Bellingham and across Washington.
As an ordained reverend, I am comfortable if faith is part of how you grieve, and just as comfortable if it is not. We go at your pace, and you decide what to talk about.
- Talk-based counseling: room to speak about the person or the life you have lost.
- Guided relaxation and hypnotherapy, for the tension and restless nights that often come with grief.
- Ceremony and ritual exercises: a simple, private way to mark a loss that you choose and shape.
- Practical tools for the hard days: anniversaries, holidays and the first time back at work.
What happens when you reach out?
- A first callYou send a message or call and we talk briefly about what has happened and what you are hoping for. There is no pressure to book.
- Telling the storyIn early sessions you can tell me about your loss in your own words, as much or as little as you want.
- Finding what helpsWe try things such as guided relaxation, a short daily routine or a simple ritual, and keep what works for you.
- Checking inWe review how you are doing as we go. You decide how often to meet and when to stop.
When is a doctor or licensed professional the right step?
Grief usually eases slowly with time, though strong feelings can come back without warning. Sometimes it gets stuck or turns into something heavier. Please see a doctor or a licensed mental health professional if you cannot cope with the loss, if you are drinking or using drugs to get through, if you feel very low for weeks, or if you have thoughts of suicide.
I can be a support alongside that care. Ian Whitelaw Counseling for Men is not an emergency service. If you are in crisis, call or text 988, or call 911.
Grief after a divorce or a big life change
Not every loss gets a funeral. A divorce, a career that ends, or children moving out can leave a man grieving with nobody around him calling it grief. Those losses are real too.
If your loss is a marriage or relationship, see my page on divorce and separation support. If it is a change of season in life, such as retirement, my page on life transitions may fit better.
How do online sessions work?
Sessions are by secure video (Zoom) or by phone, for men who are located in Washington State at the time of each session. Many men find it easier to talk about a loss from their own home. You can read more about me and check my fees and insurance page before you call.
Common questions
Is it too soon, or too late, to talk to someone?
Neither. Some men reach out in the first weeks after a loss. Others call years later, when something brings it back. Strong feelings of grief can last a year or longer, and they do not follow a set schedule. If it is on your mind now, that is a good enough reason to have a first conversation.
I don't cry. Does that mean I'm not grieving?
No. Many men grieve without tears. It can show up as tiredness, numbness, irritability, trouble sleeping or keeping busy so you don't have to stop and feel it. There is no right way to grieve. Sessions are a place to look at how your grief actually shows up, without being told how you should feel.
Do you run grief support groups?
No. I work with men one-on-one only. Support groups, where people who have had a similar loss share their experience, help many people, and you can use one alongside individual sessions. Ask your doctor, a local hospice or your place of worship about groups in Whatcom County.
Will hypnotherapy make me forget the person I lost?
No. Hypnotherapy does not erase memories or feelings, and the idea of mind control is a myth. You stay aware and in control the whole time. I use guided relaxation and hypnotherapy to help with tension, sleep and the hardest moments, so that you can carry the loss with a bit more steadiness.
References
Published by Ian Whitelaw Counseling for Men, the practice of Ian Whitelaw, Washington State Registered Hypnotherapist (HP61341961). Last updated October 27, 2026. This page is general information, not medical or mental health advice, a diagnosis or a substitute for care.