This may fit if
- You snap at your kids more than you want to and feel bad about it afterward.
- You are a new dad and feel stretched thin between home and work.
- You are co-parenting after a split and every handoff feels tense.
- You hear your own father's words coming out of your mouth.
- You and your partner keep disagreeing about how to raise the kids.
- You want to be closer to a teenager who has stopped talking to you.
Why would a dad want support?
Wanting to do this well is often the reason a dad reaches out. What wears fathers down is the gap between the dad they want to be and the tired, short-tempered one who shows up at 6 pm after a long day.
MedlinePlus lists having a baby and problems at home among the common sources of stress. Stress that builds up can show up as poor sleep, low patience, headaches or reaching for a drink to unwind.
My sessions are a private place to talk about it, man to man, without anyone judging how you parent. We focus on what you can do differently this week.
What do we work on?
We start with what is hardest for you right now. Fathers in Bellingham and across Whatcom County usually bring one or more of these:
- Patience: noticing the moment before you lose it, and having a plan for that moment.
- New fatherhood: less sleep, a changed relationship with your partner, and new pressure at work.
- Co-parenting after a separation: keeping kids out of the middle and keeping handoffs calm. If you are in the middle of a split, see divorce and separation support.
- Disagreements with your partner about rules, screens or discipline, and how to talk them through. My page on relationships covers this side.
- Family patterns: the yelling, silence or distance you grew up with, and how to choose something else.
- Staying connected with older kids and teenagers as they pull away.
What does good parenting look like, in plain terms?
There is more than one right way to be a good parent. MedlinePlus sums up the basics as keeping your child safe, showing affection and listening, providing order and consistency, setting limits, spending time together and leading by example.
Most dads already know that list. The hard part is doing it when you are tired, stressed or still angry about something else. That is where my sessions come in: practical skills for the moments that go wrong, and a way to calm your own body first.
I use cognitive behavioral tools to spot the thoughts that wind you up, and guided relaxation or hypnotherapy to practice staying steady. Inner child work can help you look at what you learned about being a father from your own dad, so you can keep what was good and leave the rest. If frustration is a big part of it, see anger and frustration.
What does a session look like?
- Check inWe start with how the week went at home: what went well, and the moments you wish had gone differently.
- Look at one momentWe slow down one hard moment, such as bedtime, a handoff or an argument with your teenager, and look at what set it off.
- PracticeWe work on what you want to do next time, with a few words to say, a breathing routine or a short guided relaxation you can repeat at home.
- Take one stepYou leave with one small, specific thing to try before we meet again. Next session we see how it went and adjust.
How do sessions work, and how do I start?
Sessions are one-on-one, online by secure video (Zoom) or by phone, for dads located in Washington State at the time of each session. That means no babysitter and no drive, and you can take the call from a quiet room at home or from a parked car on your lunch break. I offer sessions Monday to Friday, 9 am to 5 pm Pacific.
To start, call or email me, or use the contact page to book an introductory call. You can read about me and my training first, and costs and superbills are on the fees page.
If your child is struggling, their doctor is a good first call. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 or call 911. Ian Whitelaw Counseling for Men is not an emergency service.
Common questions
Do you work with children or with the whole family?
No. I work with adult men one-on-one, so the sessions are for you as the father. Changes in how you respond at home often affect the whole family. If your child needs their own support, their doctor or a licensed family therapist is the right place to start.
Can my partner join a session?
I don't offer couples or family sessions. My work is individual. We can prepare for a hard talk with your partner together, and if you both want joint help, a couples therapy provider is a better fit for that part.
I'm a stepdad. Is this for me too?
Yes. Stepfathers, grandfathers raising grandkids, and men who are about to become dads are all welcome. Blended families come with their own pressures, like finding your place, sharing discipline and dealing with another household's rules, and those are good things to bring to a session.
Is this a parenting class?
No. There is no curriculum and no lecture on how to raise your kids. You bring what is happening in your own home, and we work on your part of it: your stress, your reactions and the words you use. You know your family best, and I help you think it through.
References
Published by Ian Whitelaw Counseling for Men, the practice of Ian Whitelaw, Washington State Registered Hypnotherapist (HP61341961). Last updated October 27, 2026. This page is general information, not medical or mental health advice, a diagnosis or a substitute for care.