This may fit if
- Your marriage or long relationship is ending, whether or not it was your choice.
- You keep replaying arguments at night and can't switch off.
- You are worried about how the split will affect your kids.
- You have moved out, or are about to, and the quiet is hard.
- You want to handle the hard conversations without losing your temper.
- Friends mean well, but you need somewhere private to think out loud.
Why does a separation hit men so hard?
A separation can take your home, your daily routine, your time with your kids and a big part of your social life all at once. Many men lose the one person they used to talk things over with, right when there is the most to talk over.
MedlinePlus lists getting divorced among the common sources of stress, along with moving and money problems, and a split often brings all three. Stress that goes on for weeks or months can show up as poor sleep, headaches, low energy, short temper or drinking more to relax.
None of that means something is wrong with you. It means you are carrying a lot. My sessions give you one place each week where you can set it down, sort through it and decide on your next step.
What can we work on together?
Every separation is different, so we start with what is weighing on you most. Common threads for the men I work with in Bellingham and across Washington include:
- Getting through the first weeks: sleep, eating, work and the urge to shut down.
- Anger, hurt and blame, including the conversations you keep having in your head.
- Talking with your former partner about logistics without every exchange turning into a fight. My page on communication covers the practical tools I use.
- Staying a steady dad while your own life is upside down, which I write about on the parenting and family page.
- If trust was broken on either side, sorting out what happened and what you want now. See infidelity and trust.
- Grieving the life you planned, even if leaving was the right call.
- Later on: who you are now, living alone, and dating again when you are ready.
How do my sessions help?
Most of our time is plain conversation. I listen, ask questions and help you put words to what is going on. From there we pick one or two practical things to try before the next session, such as a script for a hard phone call or a way to wind down at night.
I also use cognitive behavioral tools to catch the thoughts that keep you stuck, and guided relaxation or hypnotherapy for stress and sleep. In hypnosis you stay aware and in control the whole time. Many men find it a simple way to let their body settle when their mind won't.
I am not a lawyer or a mediator, and I don't take sides in the legal process. A family law attorney or mediator handles that part. My role is to help you stay steady while it happens. I work with men individually only, so I don't offer couples sessions.
How do I get started?
- Reach outCall or email me, or send a message through the contact page. A short note is enough. You don't need to explain the whole story.
- Introductory callWe talk briefly about what is going on and what you want help with, and you can ask me anything about how I work. You can read more about me beforehand.
- First sessionWe meet by secure video (Zoom) or phone while you are located in Washington State. You can start with whatever is weighing on you most.
- Set a rhythmWe agree on how often to meet. Some men want weekly sessions through the hardest stretch and fewer later. Costs and superbills are on the fees page.
When is it time to see someone else?
If low mood, panic, heavy drinking or not being able to work goes on for more than a couple of weeks, please talk to your doctor or a licensed mental health professional. My sessions can sit alongside that care, but they are not a replacement for it.
If you are in crisis or thinking about harming yourself or anyone else, call or text 988 or call 911 right away. Ian Whitelaw Counseling for Men is not an emergency service.
Common questions
Can you see my ex and me together to work things out?
No. I work with men one-on-one, so I don't offer couples sessions or mediation. If you both want help with a co-parenting plan, a mediator or a couples therapy provider is the better fit. I can help you get clear on what you want to say and how to say it calmly.
Is it too early to reach out if we have only just separated?
No. The first weeks are often the hardest, and many men wait until they are worn out. Reaching out early can give you a steadier footing for the decisions that come next. If you are not sure whether you are ready, the introductory call is a low-pressure way to find out.
Do I have to live in Bellingham?
No. My sessions are online by secure video or phone, so men from Bellingham, Whatcom County and the rest of the state can take part from home, from a parked car or anywhere private. You do need to be located in Washington State at the time of each session.
Does insurance cover this?
I am not in network with insurance plans. I can give you a superbill, which is an itemized receipt you can send to your plan to ask about out-of-network reimbursement. Whether they pay depends on your plan, so it is worth calling them first.
References
Published by Ian Whitelaw Counseling for Men, the practice of Ian Whitelaw, Washington State Registered Hypnotherapist (HP61341961). Last updated October 27, 2026. This page is general information, not medical or mental health advice, a diagnosis or a substitute for care.